8 days ago, my husband died. 8 days ago, I became a widow.
When you marry someone with chronic illness with no chance of a cure, you know one day, you will be a widow. The only question was when. My husband was a fighter and he gave it is all: years of treatments, pills and IVs, not one, but TWO double lung transplants, 2 digestive surgery and 2 tracheotomies (he liked doing things more than once), one full year living in the hospital. In the end though, getting air into his lungs became impossible.
We are in a very weird situation. I have met other people who became widowers in their 40s, usually suddenly. Very few had as much time to prepare as I did. But just because I *knew* it was going to happen, it doesn’t make it any easier. We did have time to make plans, discuss parenting, tell each other everything we wanted to say. There are no regrets.
But I am still a 45 yo widow with 2 kids who have now lost a parent for the second time in their short lives.
The ‘outrunning the cloud’ analogy doesn’t really work this time. The cloud is not lifted. Well, the black cloud of doom is gone, but now we are moving forward into a thick fog. A team of 3. So, I’ll ask again: Now What?