I keep starting posts and erasing them. Writing FB status updates and not posting them. Essentially, they all sound like this:
I feel like shit. I want to do stuff but whenever I start I (pick one): get tired, get dizzy, get nauseous, forget what I was going to do.
My days consist of: watching Scandal, figuring out what I think I might like to eat, making that item, having 3 bites, realizing it was a bad idea, going back to bed and watching more Scandal.
Today NJ had early dismissal and I forgot. I forgot I was going to go pick her up. Thank G-d J. remembered and made it there on time. She came home all happy and bouncy (and unaware that I forgot her!) and wanted to swim and I had to tell her that I just didn’t have it in me to sit by the side of the pool and watch her. Can you imagine that? I am too tired to sit and watch. (OK. also safety issues. but really, mostly based on the epic tiredness).
I’m mad at myself because last night I gathered all the saved up energy and wasted it on a schmoozing event for the store. What little energy I have, I should spend it with the kids. Lesson learned. That is not going to happen again.
It seems hard to believe that at some point, all of this will be behind us. That I will feel better and get back to normal and that we will just look back on this as ‘that year I had cancer’. Because right now, it feels like an eternity with no end ever coming.