«

»

Jun 20

It’s the Unpredictability that gets me

Round 1 was OK. Round 2 was worse, but not in the way I had expected. Round 3 was The Pits, but only after giving me false hope of being ok.

And now Round 4. The truth is, I didn’t have time for Round 4. I was busy. I packed up our cottage after we sold it. And an amazing friend came 12 hours on the train to hang out with me for several days. So I put the nausea and tiredness in the back of mind for a few days. Until it pushed back.  Round 4 is saying ‘Nice try, but I’m the boss of you’ and kicking my ass right now.

My biggest problem with all this is that there is no schedule to when I’m going to feel what. I wish I would say: I’ll feel shitty on Monday, or Wednesday I know I won’t want to eat, and then plan around it.  Never mind advance planning, even day to day is impossible: yesterday we went out with 2 stops to make, but I only managed one, then I had to go home and veg for 2 hours.

People keep telling me to take it one day at a time. To be Zen about it. Easier said than done. It’s been 5 months already, with at least 4 more to go. That is way more Zen than I am capable of.