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Dec 12

Wilma Flintstone and Granny Panties

You would think with the thousands of women who have suffered through breast cancer, there would be a better way to do this…. But no, after cutting off my boobs and having chemo AND radiation, I have to suffer through this… Follow along this little illustrated tale, no worries, nothing graphic!

So let’s say you have a bad radiation burn that requires being covered daily in antibiotic cream known as Flamazine. First, you schmear 3 Adaptic sheets with your cream using a hospital-provided tongue-depressor, much like icing a cake. Please note that each of these is 3×8, so when you are done, we are talking 72 square inches covered in cold, silver infused goodness. (3 times a week, a nurse does this for me, the other days, I have to do it myself)

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Then, you have to keep the cream from soaking into your clothes, so you cover your schmeared bandages with non-soaking ones, like so,

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Here is where you get into trouble… How do you keep that on you body? It’s half you chest and your armpit? mega awkward. Plus, tape is not really an option, as I’m already itchy as all-heck and my skin is burned in a large area. So, if you wish, you can use this mesh that wraps you up like a holiday ham. The problem is, it’s quite itchy AND it rolls down. Think stay-up fishnet stockings, but around your entire chest.

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So, the nurses have come up with a solution. Apparently, all hospitals and clinics have a hefty supply of these nylon granny-panties.

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I have NO EARTHLY idea what these are actually intended for. They are not absorbent, so they are not diapers. But all the nurses have them. So, they get crafty. They cut out the crotch and make a hole on one side. Then, you stick your arm out the whole and slip it on and next thing you know, your nylon granny-panties are turned into a Wilma Flintstone crop-top.

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Yes, I’m wearing this right now as we speak, under my ¬†clothes…. and you thought the time I told you about breaking my rib was as embarrassing as it got…

 

PS: In case you are wondering why I need the nurse 3 times per week, it’s because someone has to look at it and document it. Because it turns out, it can get worse for up to 3 weeks after the end of radiation. Because I am STILL cooking from the inside-out. Yeah me! All the nurses that I have met thus far (4) have told me there is no way this is the end and that it will 100% get worse before it starts to heal. Should be fun to get dressed over the holidays!

PPS: my back and neck are not burnt as bad, so they require Glaxal Base cream. That’s what you see sticking around my neck. It’s covering most of my back too. But at least I don’t require bandages there. Yet.

 

4 comments

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  1. Kate

    Those are the panties you get when you give birth (or have a hysterectomy or any lower surgery, I imagine)! They put pads in them for you, lol.

  2. Nance

    Yes, I got the granny panties after labor with S. They are large enough for the maxi-ice…ice packs that are also maxi pads. Best invention EVAH.

    I am SHOCKED you haven’t added sequins to go with that!

    But I am glad that the nurses aren’t sugar coating this and telling you all is great. Sigh….

  3. Debbie in the UK

    Ouch Ouch Ouch. xxx

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