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Oct 09

I drove around town with a bag of pee in my car

My husband is known for losing things. Phone, glasses, wallet, keys, he’s lost them all, several times. Sometimes, it’s no big deal, sometimes, it causes a big ruckus, like the time he lost his wallet between the cab and airport check-in on our way to Florida. Or the time he lost his wallet right before going on a road trip with his buddy. And of course, last year, when he lost his glasses and couldn’t drive the car to pick me up after I walked SIXTY kms for breast cancer. (then I came home and found the glasses in less than 3 min)

With that track record, it was not entirely surprising when he called on Monday to tell me he would not in fact be able to pick our youngest from school, because he somehow managed to lose his keys in a Costco parking lot…. It was a little bit surprising that he managed to lose them AFTER unlocking the car. That takes skill, even for him.

Now this was my first non-chemo, non-treatment Monday in 4 months, so I was a little extra-pissed that I had to get dressed to pick her up from school (shut up. yes, I spend the entire day in my PJS. I have Cancer!!!). But I had a pretty restful day of doing fuck-all, so I picked her up and I told her we needed to drive to Costco to rescue Daddy. She thought it was hilarious. Oh Daddy, lost his keys again! Sadly, the location of Costco and the timing of this adventure could not have been worst. I got completely and totally stuck in rush hour traffic.

I’ll sum up the rest of the story like this: 1 hour stuck on a street with a fence on one side and a median on the other, no where to turn, and an 8 y.o. who suddenly REALLY has to go. And what normally is a garbage-can-on-wheels has just been cleaned out and there is not an empty cup of Timmy’s to be found. I did have a sturdy reusable grocery bag, so we improvised. She was a great sport and barely gave a second thought to peeing in a bag in the front seat of the Fiat in downtown traffic. I wonder what the dude in the Honda Civic with the mad chrome mags next to us what thinking!

It took us another 20 min to reach Costco, at which point I had to turn around and drive back to the other side of town to fetch the other child from school before they left her on the curb. I encountered no garbage can anywhere along the way, so I had to wait until I got home to get rid of the bag… Which is how I ended up driving around town for an hour with a bag of pee in my car.

Then I put on REAL clothes and we went to dinner at a friend’s house, where her husband removed NJ’s stitches on their living room couch. Because that is how my life goes.
Like it says in the header, it would be funny if it wasn’t happening to me.

PS: Before you ask, no, we did not find the key.

PPS: I told a friend this story yesterday and she opened her glove compartment and told me she kept a diaper in there just for such emergencies. None of her kids are diaper-aged. Great idea, but I sincerely hope that was the first and last time my car was used as a mobile port-0-potty

PPPS: He claims he did all this to provide me a good story for the blog.

PPPPS: the most shocking part of the story is that he had his cell phone with him and he didn’t run out of battery until AFTER it was all over

4 comments

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  1. Nance

    Laughing…except I happen to know that maxipads are useful for this purpose as well. Just saying!
    HOW DID HE LOSE THE KEY????
    You need to invest in those little bluetooth finder thingies!

  2. Susan

    In all my years as a mother this has never happened to me nor would it have occurred to me. Too funny! and all this time I thought it was either yours of J’s peepee you were transporting to hospital for testing. Thanks for the laugh!

  3. Meg

    Oh that’s funny!

  4. Aussa Lorens

    This made me literally laugh out loud. I have only ever peed in a car once– a friend and I were parked on the beach and sleeping in the sand with nothing around for miles. I had to pee like mad, she was passed out, it was too cold to go in the water and there were randoms driving four wheelers around randomly. I really wanted to dig a hole in the sand and just go for it but I had not yet traveled to Asia and therefore was not an expert squatter. So I opted for an old cool whip container in the back of her jeep. *classy*

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