My husband is known for losing things. Phone, glasses, wallet, keys, he’s lost them all, several times. Sometimes, it’s no big deal, sometimes, it causes a big ruckus, like the time he lost his wallet between the cab and airport check-in on our way to Florida. Or the time he lost his wallet right before going on a road trip with his buddy. And of course, last year, when he lost his glasses and couldn’t drive the car to pick me up after I walked SIXTY kms for breast cancer. (then I came home and found the glasses in less than 3 min)
With that track record, it was not entirely surprising when he called on Monday to tell me he would not in fact be able to pick our youngest from school, because he somehow managed to lose his keys in a Costco parking lot…. It was a little bit surprising that he managed to lose them AFTER unlocking the car. That takes skill, even for him.
Now this was my first non-chemo, non-treatment Monday in 4 months, so I was a little extra-pissed that I had to get dressed to pick her up from school (shut up. yes, I spend the entire day in my PJS. I have Cancer!!!). But I had a pretty restful day of doing fuck-all, so I picked her up and I told her we needed to drive to Costco to rescue Daddy. She thought it was hilarious. Oh Daddy, lost his keys again! Sadly, the location of Costco and the timing of this adventure could not have been worst. I got completely and totally stuck in rush hour traffic.
I’ll sum up the rest of the story like this: 1 hour stuck on a street with a fence on one side and a median on the other, no where to turn, and an 8 y.o. who suddenly REALLY has to go. And what normally is a garbage-can-on-wheels has just been cleaned out and there is not an empty cup of Timmy’s to be found. I did have a sturdy reusable grocery bag, so we improvised. She was a great sport and barely gave a second thought to peeing in a bag in the front seat of the Fiat in downtown traffic. I wonder what the dude in the Honda Civic with the mad chrome mags next to us what thinking!
It took us another 20 min to reach Costco, at which point I had to turn around and drive back to the other side of town to fetch the other child from school before they left her on the curb. I encountered no garbage can anywhere along the way, so I had to wait until I got home to get rid of the bag… Which is how I ended up driving around town for an hour with a bag of pee in my car.
Then I put on REAL clothes and we went to dinner at a friend’s house, where her husband removed NJ’s stitches on their living room couch. Because that is how my life goes.
Like it says in the header, it would be funny if it wasn’t happening to me.
PS: Before you ask, no, we did not find the key.
PPS: I told a friend this story yesterday and she opened her glove compartment and told me she kept a diaper in there just for such emergencies. None of her kids are diaper-aged. Great idea, but I sincerely hope that was the first and last time my car was used as a mobile port-0-potty
PPPS: He claims he did all this to provide me a good story for the blog.
PPPPS: the most shocking part of the story is that he had his cell phone with him and he didn’t run out of battery until AFTER it was all over