You came back! thank you!!
Now that I have a new URL and proper commenting and bells and whistles, let me share a story only my close friends know. I promise, it will make you laugh. It may also make you spit liquids, so put your coffee/tea/wine/hard liquor down before you proceed. However, if you don’t want to imagine me on the toilet, now would be a good time to stop reading.
The thing about cancer that VERY FEW people talk about is how much it affects your poop. I’m not kidding you, I spent more time and energy on managing my poop than on any other side effect. Some chemo makes you constipated, so you have to take meds to remedy the constipation. Some chemo makes you go every 10 min, so there are meds for that too. I got more meds to deal with my poop and other things that happen to your delicate bits when you are not regular than I did for ALL the other side-effects combined.
(By now, you are probably wishing you had stopped reading when I warned you earlier. But you made it this far, keep going, it gets really funny.)
Back in late May, early on during chemo, my bowels completely shut down. No amount of prune juice, baby-food prunes or soluble fibre was working. Eventually, medical-grade meds were added and I was finally going to go to the bathroom……
I tried so hard to go to the bathroom, I broke my rib.
I actually BROKE. MY. RIB…… Pooping.
I didn’t mention it on the blog, because frankly, it was SO embarassing. But it was pretty obvious in real life that I had a broken rib and that I was in a lot of pain. When I was asked how I broke my rib, I said I wasn’t too sure, or maybe from all the coughing (I had a bad chemo-related cough at the time). Because really, how can you tell people at carpool that you cracked your rib while sitting on the toilet?
Actually, you can tell people. You can tell your tight group of inappropriate girlfriends, who are going to laugh at you so hard and tease you relentlessly.
PS: adding insult to injury, the pain meds for the broken rib, they cause constipation.