Sep 10

So that was a big bucket of fuck

Man, that was not a good day! For the record, it only got worst, ending in a mild panic attack at bed time…. The lovely operator at 311 told J. that I should not in fact chase my sleeping pill with a Xanax, but an Ativan would have been ok. Sadly I had none, so I just had to breathe through it. The situation has now been rectified, which pretty much guarantees that I will not have another panic attack! So if you find yourself needing an Ativan, I’m your girl!

I’m trying to find my sarcasm and wit back. I don’t like mopey, complainy me. But it’s hard. It’s not just the cancer. It’s the cancer after the lung transplant, after the transplant wait, after the dying friend and the dying mother…. It’s been a long time of suck and I guess I’m just really more fed up than even *I* realized.

But things are looking up. I’m heading to Toronto next month with a bunch of my girlfriends for one night of fun and the taping of my Internet/tv crush Lainey’s new show. And I made a gown out of envelopes today for a window display at work. So today was not a big bucket of fuck. That’s already a huge improvement.