I keep not blogging because I don’t want to be the Debbie-downer of blogging.
Death and grief are ugly, and even when you think you have your shit together and you are moving forward, you are totally making it up as you go along.
I thought I was on a upswing, I was getting stuff (shit) done, moving in a general forward direction, looking pretty cute while doing it. And then, bam, bam, bam. It doesn’t even matter what happened. It’s life, it happens and you have to roll with the punches. (my poor Lucy….. won’t go into details, but we lost a big part of our family)
I felt like I lost my footing. The forward-moving me was moving backwards.
And out of no-where, a life-vest: went back to work on a contract gig that lights my fire. Work that doesn’t pay the bills but makes me feel like I am a rock-star at what I do.
Balance restored. For now.
Everyday is a clusterfuck. You know I love that word.
I will never sugar coat it. I did a youtube v-logger thing with someone I adore about how I get through this shit. It was pretty good. I’m an expert in cancer diagnosis, death and grief and long-term care-giving. Yeah me!
Meanwhile I need to find someone to come and sleep in my bedroom for a few nights so we can find where that incessant stupid beeping is coming from!!!!!! So yeah, some things are under control, some are not.
You win some, you lose some.