Aug 14

Figuring me out

Last night I had dinner with a sweet friend who pointed out – ‘you haven’t blogged all summer! Nobody knows what you’ve been up to!’ She’s right. The girls come home on Tuesday, after 6 weeks away. I was worried about my first real summer alone – last year, I was still visiting J at the hospital every single day. This year, what was I going to do?

Well, I said yes, a lot, to almost everything that was put in front of me: Meditation in the lavender fields, tons of comedy shows, a ‘blind-date’ with a fellow solo-mom (ie we had never met, but I had tickets to something and just called her and asked her to go with me). I tried new restaurants and played pokemon-go, I’ve been running to get ready for Ragnar. And I’ve been trying to Figure Me Out.

Maybe you heard the song, it’s playing all the time:

But I believe there’s more to life than all my problems maybe there’s still hope for me to start again
Get my feet back on the ground
Pull my head out of the clouds
I think it’s time for me to figure me out

That’s sort of how I operated for the summer. For the first time in years, I didn’t ask myself if it was the right thing to do, or put someone else’s feelings ahead of mine. I just did stuff for FUN!!!! And because *I* wanted to do it.

Somewhere along the way, I found a little bit of me that I had lost. All that time sitting in hospital rooms, it had drained the ‘me’ out of me. The girls are coming back, and obviously, they will always come first, but I think we will start operating in a way where I don’t drain the ‘me’ out of all the big life decisions we make.

And because I know you are all DYING to know, yes, I did agree to go on a couple of dates… it’s a process. But you will all get a kick out of the one where the man was seemingly a responsible adult with a job and he ended up being a Trump voter who told me that feminism is the root of all evil and socialized medicine is wrong.