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Jun 27

it’s coming, no matter what I do

It’s coming. it will be 6 months next week. Just about the same time the kids leave for 6 weeks of summer camp.

And then, I will be forced to deal with it. To deal with my grief and feelings, which I have conveniently packed away to deal with the day-to-day of widowhood, the kids’ feeling and their grief.

But when they are gone, I am going to have 6 weeks of me. I know so many people would jump at the chance of having 6 full weeks of freedom. I am dreading it. I have lost the ability to organize and plan things. So I know I will end up spending 6 weeks at home feeding the pets and watching all manner of streaming tv shows. I should want more from my free time. But I am so tired and fed up of the ’emergency level’ we have been living in, there is a part of me that just wants to go to sleep and wake up in 6 weeks.

Either way, it’s coming. They are leaving, and I will be alone in this house I hate, with 2 elderly dogs and 2 guinea pigs. Doesn’t that sound peachy?