May 13


What Would J Do

J my dead husband…. Sorry, don’t really give much of a crap about Jesus’ opinion…..

I am facing a lot of *big* decisions. Hard stuff. Stuff that husbands and wives discuss. I have no one to discuss with. Instead I write down lists: pros and cons, all-the-options, long term vs short term. But really, lists don’t hold a candle to discussion. And J was great at discussion!

Several people have told me to ask my single-mother friends how they do it. Here is the thing. Unless your Ex left the country without a forwarding address or is incarcerated, IT’S NOT THE SAME THING. My partner is dead. Regardless of his level of involvement, regardless of his ability to contribute, he is gone. My kids miss him. And his presence looms over us, heavy and hard. So being a widow and being a single mom, while similar, is in fact, not the same.

So I spend a lot of time asking myself: What Would J Do? What would he want? What would his opinion be?

A dear friend told me: it doesn’t matter what he would want. It’s just YOU now. Do what feels right to you. But it doesn’t work like that. He’s still and always will be their father. So his opinion still matters. Obviously he won’t hold me accountable, and moving forward, my opinion will very likely outweigh his, but for now, as I sit here with my lists of Doctors to consult, High-Schools to visit, What-to-do-about-this-house-we-hate, Work-vs-Not-Work, I keep wondering: What Would J Do?

1 comment

  1. Kikilia


    You’re right… being a single mom and a widow aren’t the same. I adopted my daughter as a single mom and those decisions were always mine to make. I used my mother as a sounding board a lot but, in the end, the decisions were mine.

    Hopefully, it will get easier, in time, but you will probably always wonder what J would do. The girls may often wonder about what he would think as well… moving on is hard. But not moving on is hard too.

    Have a glass of cheap wine (over ice if you want) and remember that decisions will be made and hopefully it will all work out the way you want it to.


Comments have been disabled.