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May 02

3:30 musings

I posted this to my personal FB in the middle of the night, but I think I meant for it to also be a blog post….

Yesterday, we took a road trip and I did whatever I could do keep them both smiling, at the same time. ‘On this day’ last year was the mega garage sale where we sold half of our belongings and put the house for sale . It was also the day J. officially went on the transplant list for a second time. Two years ago he was sick and my friend took me for my de-reconstruction surgery (expander removal). And the year before that, I was taking glam shots before starting chemo the next day. 3 years of ‘on this day’ one heavier than the other. It is exhausting to live in the present and look to the future when the past is so heavy to carry around ‪#‎330musings‬ #widowhood

2 comments

  1. Elise

    I was going to suggest that you create your own calendar and skip all these trigger dates for a while, aka Leap Year. Take some White-Out to it for the next few years and just don’t go there until you are ready. But that wouldn’t fix anything, I know.

    My husband’s family lived through a war (literally) and they carry that baggage with them always. I don’t think it gets lighter or goes away, but I do think there might [hopefully] come a time when you will forget it’s there for bits of time. Not the big picture, like “had cancer, it sucked” but the specifics of it. I don’t know, but I really hope for that for you.

  2. Liz

    I hope that some day there are good things mixed in on these dates, too. Or at least so many good-thing dates, that the heavy ones seem less huge.

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