If there is one thing guaranteed to make people MORE uncomfortable than me showing my naked tattooed chest, it’s me talking about my current financial situation. But after spending a good 5 days humiliated, ashamed and embarrassed, I have decided that the only way to face this is head-on. These are my truths:
- I spend 15 years putting my husband’s well-being first and my career last
- I quit several jobs, including one that I really excelled at and that provided well, to take care of him and our daughters.
- In the 12+ months that I cared for him in the hospital, I also downsized our possessions and our lifestyle and uprooted our kids to a house that would be adapted for HIM, not for us.
And yet here I am, struggling to make ends meet. So I have taken huge steps:
- Gone back to work
- Asked my father, who is retired, to please pay the contractor for the bathroom renovation that we did for J. to come home because waiting 3 months to be paid is too long, especially when they were so sweet to us and went above and beyond to help me, the girls and the dogs.
- temporarily borrowed cash from my daughter’s savings to pay the penalty to return his car early on the lease.
And then I cried. For days. Because I was raised to be financially independent. I was raised to live within my means. And my husband promised me everything would be fine. One day, I will pay my daughter and my father back. My kids are learning a huge life lesson and are drastically adapting the way they think about life: no more Sunday movies, no more restaurants. I remind them every single day that there are more people in the world who live this way than the way we lived before. That there are people who are way less fortunate. That yes it sucks, but that I will work very hard to make sure we are all ok. And that pride is worth more than any amount of money.