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May 19

Adjustments

By far, the biggest adjustment for me with this whole situation has been adapting to the extreme boredom and long periods of being alone. I went from working retail, talking to the public and spending 4-6 hours per day hanging out with Dee to being alone in my house from 8 am til 4:30 pm almost every day.

I miss the daily asinine conversation about what to have for lunch (inevitably, the soup from the Dep). I miss  the banter with customers, even the annoying ones! I was NEVER meant to be a stay-at-home person. I don’t have the skills to arrange coffee dates and lunch dates. I’ve never had to and I don’t know how.

A. asked me the other day if not working was medical or a choice. It’s both. I was warned retail was high-contagion risk. After the mastectomy, I was meant to go back to work once I wasn’t in pain anymore. But then we started with the chemo and it just didn’t make sense to go back. Partly because the store needs to run on a schedule. And if I put myself on and don’t feel good, they have to scramble to cover me. Plus once my white-blood counts start to go down, it’s really not a smart idea to be there.

People keep telling me stories about their co-workers coming to work during chemo. Good for them. Though I am going to guess, not entirely their choice (also, office jobs, less risky). I happen to have the luxury to have my husband as my business partner, an amazing manager and it’s summer around the corner, so a very willing team of students who want to earn big. I don’t HAVE to go to work. So I am choosing to stay home and rest and make getting better my job for the next 6 months.

The flip side of that is the boredom. I am a very chatty person (shocking, I know). I enjoy the company of others. I like to have people over and get together with people. I have now taken to having in-depth conversations with the dogs….

Some days I just wouldn’t have the energy to go out. But most days, I can manage a walk (probably not a 5k, but still!) or coffee. Or even a long chat on the porch. So by all means, help me break up the boredom. If i’m not up to it, I will tell you. But chances are, I will be up to it!