Mar 01

We measure in inches and pixels

Each day, we try to do one little thing, a little something that moves us forward somehow. It’s a VERY strange situation to live with all of J’s things, but he never lived in this house, never even saw the inside, and yet, he is everywhere.

Last week, Youngest was off school and she was erasing kids shows off the kitchen PVR to make room for her new favorite, Modern Family. She noticed that at least 50% of the PVR was full of ESPN specials…. She asked me if she could erase them and I said yes. Just like that, 40 Gigs of his shows were gone. Not that anyone was ever going to watch them. We kept them on there for the entire year he was in the hospital. We could have erased them a long time ago, but we just did it now.

Every day, I open his iPad and then log into his email. And then I proceed to unsubscribe from whatever newsletter or blog update happens to come that day. I have been doing this every day for 6 weeks and there are STILL a ton! He read EVERYTHING. I know there are faster ways, UnRollMe, etc, but there is a little something about checking out all the truly odd things he read.

And then there is the nightstand. Before we moved, we had these wall-mounted mid-century teak nightstands, but they didn’t fit in our much smaller master bedroom, so they are now in the living room. At some point I bought funky steel and reclaimed wood night stands. I remember taking pictures and showing them to him in the hospital to get his approval. So we moved and I put his stuff in the drawers and his beloved framed picture of Bob Costas on top of the night stand and that was that. (yes, I have slept next to Bob Costas for the last 15 years). A few days ago, I wanted to light a nice scented candle, trying to do a bit of meditation (trying, not succeeding) and I had no where on my nightstand to put it. This time, Eldest¬†asked ‘why don’t you just put it on the other one?’. I thought, but that’s HIS nightstand! Except it’s not. It never was. So I put away¬†the last 4 books he had on top, all his little tchatkys and his watch and put the candle on ‘his’ side. But I left Bob Costas. For now, he’s staying.


  1. Anna in Turin

    Baby steps V, baby steps help you make it through the day, the week, the night….heart you.

  2. Debberoo

    Oh V, it must be so terribly hard. I’m so sorry x

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